blog therapy

While trapsing about Blogland, I stumbled upon this at TME’s site. Also – thomcat has written some hot stuff on TME's site as well...
-- I went to the store at least twice, and have printed it out for future store runs

The Internet seems to have the answer for just about everything. You simply use a search engine and type in what you’re looking for. “Eureka!” I thought, “I’ll ask Google what it is that I need.” So I went to Google, typed in '(real name used) needs”

The title for this post was one of the first solutions! Isn't that similar "It's All About Me?" Hmmmm....I may be on to something.......what's next--

APj needs a plan
Duh! That’s not much help. Isn’t that why we’re trying this Google thing?

APj needs date
Okay – Google is starting to sound like my entire Rogue bunch. Lecram’s even threatening to find a P.F. don’t ask….

APj needs to check in before I send Bond out to find her
Which Bond are you sending!?!?!?!? Forget that, I really don’t care which one you send. Although, Lelly will get awfully angry if I do Daniel Craig. Hmmmmm…..just call me Moneypenny!

APj needs to go man
Actually….I think this was a typo. I think it should be “APj needs a go-to man.” ‘Nuff said.

APj is a dog
I think this is just a polite way of saying, “APj is a bitch.” …..you say “bitch” like it’s a bad thing…..

APj needs a good smack
…and her hair pulled too!

APj needs to learn some manners
Fuck you. Oh….did I say that aloud? Sorry. Asshole.

APj needs some appreciation
Yeah, damnit! On your knees! Oh…what’s that? That’s worship? Okay! Works for me!

APj needs to be sedated
“20-20-20-4 hours a day!” Ya’ gotta love the Ramones…..(even though I used to think they were singing, “20-20-20-4 hours a day! I want a piece of Katy”)

APj is unable to function
This is not necessarily true. She may be rusty…..but we think that all battlestations are go.

APj, Please...the east coast needs you
Hey – they had their chance…..

BUT we need to get APj out
Okay, okay!! Kinda beating a dead horse, aren’t ya?

.....and finally......

If I were alone in a room with APj , I would _____.
Don’t cha’ just luv audience participation?

blog things birthday

Your Birthdate: November 5

You have many talents, and you are great at sharing those talents with others. Many people have wrongly interpreted that as being nosey. Most people would be jealous of your clever intellect, but you're just too likeable to elicit jealousy. Uh-huh. And if they still act all jealous and stuff....I just dump the bodies where they'll never be found..... Progressive and original, you're usually thinking up cutting edge ideas. Don't forget the witty reparte. Quick witted and fast thinking, you have difficulty finding new challenges. in other words: I have A.D.D. Your strength: Your superhuman brainpower (doncha just hear Ren and Stimpy: "I will take over the world today! Muh-hahhahhah.") Your weakness: Your susceptibility to boredom Hel-LO!?!?!? I can't help it! It's the A.D.D. Your power color: Tangerine what a sucky color. I mean, what's so powerful about Tangerine? Unless you throw it. Or shoot it out of a potato gun. Hmmm...... Your power symbol: Ace Do you mean Ace Freeley? The guitar player from Kiss? I like guitar players....maybe not with so much makeup.....or better shoes than me....hey - did you see that Payless Shoes was having a --err, sorry....A.D.D...... Your power month: May May?!?!? Power!?!?!? Okay - I'm going with rulesschmules here. My power month is MARCH.....cause that's when the Rogue is!!!

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

November 5th

Births

1960 - Tilda Swinton, English actress

Hmmm..... I'm the same age as the White Witch. Do I look older or younger? Careful! Think before you answer.....

1913 - Vivien Leigh, English actress (d. 1967)

Ah wood jus luv ta stahnd on thoz steaps an cawl: "Rhett! Rhett!"

Events
1998 - Lewinsky scandal: As part of the impeachment inquiry, House Judiciary Committee chairman Henry Hyde sends a list of 81 questions to US President Bill Clinton.

Great. AGAIN....somebodyotherthanme gettin' some action on MY birthday...

1605 - Gunpowder Plot: A plot led by Robert Catesby to blow up the English Houses of Parliament is thwarted when Sir Thomas Knyvet, a justice of the peace, finds Guy Fawkes in a cellar below the Parliament building.

Remember, remember the fifth of November,
Gunpowder Treason and Plot,
I see no reason why gunpowder treason
should ever be forgot.
Guy Fawkes, Guy Fawkes,'twas his intent
to blow up the King and the Parliament.
Three score barrels of powder below,
Poor old England to overthrow:
By God's providence he was catch'd
With a dark lantern and burning match.
Holloa boys, holloa boys, make the bells ring.
Holloa boys, holloa boys, God save the King!
Hip hip hoorah!

One of these days I WILL be in London to celebrate my birthday! But until then, I expect my friends on that side of the pond (kien and Lelly) to celebrate for me.

blog things - horoscope

Not that I give much credence to horoscopes and all, but let's just take a moment and see how APJ stacks up:

Yes, yes, APJ, born on the 5th of November, is a Scorpio. Yes, right again! Guy Fawkes Day - the firstborn of Anarchists -- or true Freedom Fighters and

--psst!

who's there?

--just the voice in your head

which one?

--Duh. The cute one, of course. Did you know that "Rebelliousness against all conventions, political extremism to the point where hatred of the Establishment makes the SCORPIO an utterly unscrupulous terrorist?"

says who?

--says the Signs of the Zodiac

cool! What else does SotZ say about me?

--well, this is kinda like above. It says here that, "Scorpios need great self-discipline, because they are able to recognize the qualities in themselves that make them different from other humans, and to know their utterly conventional natures can be used for great good, or great evil."

egads! I can almost see Dr. Evil with his "quotation marks" Come on! I'm not all that bad. Maybe.....maybe I'm all that good!! Like a superhero!

--well, it says here that you do have a super power--

really! a superpower!?!? What is it? Tell me!

--Be patient (yes, yes, not one of your gifts).....let me read down a bit....hmmmm....here it is -- "Scorpios sometimes possess penetrating eyes which make their shyer companions feel naked and defenseless before them."

Wait a fricking minute! Are you telling me that I can make shy guys feel naked and defenseless? Really!?!? I think I'm gonna start staring a whole lot more-- I can almost feel the power rising--

--Yup! there's stuff on that too! According to SotZ, "Scorpios are the most intense, profound, powerful characters in the zodiac. Even when they appear self-controlled and calm there is a seething intensity of emotional energy under the placid exterior. They are like the volcano not far under the surface of a calm sea, it may burst into eruption at any moment."

Wow. I thought that was just sexual frustra--

--how is it you always manage to bring it back to sex!?!?!? Normal people bring it back to Do Re Mi, but you! You always gotta go there -- Fine. Fine. Here ya' go, pervert -- here's the sex part: "Scorpio is the symbol of sex and Scorpios are passionate lovers, the most sensually energetic of all the signs. Their overriding urge in loving is to use their power--"

power!?!?! I get to use my superpower eyeballs to make them naked and defenseless?

--no. you do not. You "use power to penetrate beyond themselves and to lose themselves sexually in their partners in an almost mystical ecstasy, thus discovering the meaning of that union which is greater than individuality, and is a marriage of the spirit as well as of flesh."

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.....sorry......went to the store.....

--so....big shot -- since you got me all worked up, what's my horoscope say for today?

A magical quintile between beautiful Venus and opulent Jupiter sets the stage for sensual enjoyment. We are more likely now to take direct action, as the best opportunities look better and better with passing time. However, keep in mind that the long-term effects of yesterday's Jupiter-Uranus Square can have us chasing imaginary rainbows throughout the year.Keep in mind that your desires originate within your unconscious mind. Shine the light of awareness onto your hidden emotions. You can defuse an uncomfortable situation by saying what hasn't yet been said.

Okay all ya'll, don't remember chasing rainbows, imaginary or not, anywhere near my or Uranus yesterday.......but I'm willing to use my superpowers to shine the light on any emotions that may be trying to hide. And, although the anarchist in me would rather defuse or detonate a bomb, I will try to be brave and say what hasn't been said (yet).....when the opportunity arises.....

blog things- me

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free. I, being a horse-0wner know the purpose of a bridle: a bridle is used to guide and gently suggest (and...not so gently for the more stubborn mount) a better course of action or direction. So.....translated into human-speak: I wanna man who doesn't like to be told where to go (and doesn't need a map), doesn't have footprints on his backside, and isn't tied down. Duh. In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored. Huh? Sorry....I was still at the store from talking about mounts and maps.... But yes, it's true: Creativity and non-boredom are good -- especially when dealing with my A.D.D. You'd like to your lover to think you are optimistic and happy. I am optifrickingmistic! And happy!?!?!? I'll show you happy... Hey....what a minute. You said "my lover." where is he!?!?!? How come I didn't know about him? What's he look like? You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please. Not true. I seem to be drawn to emotional moody wrecks that are never happy. err....not that I'm complaining. :) Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with. Yes -- it's true. I'm not interested in fleeting. I'm not interested in lukewarm. And, yes, I am really not interested in Mr. Right Now. Unfortunately, I don't know as to whether or not Mr. Forever exists.... ::sigh:: Ahh.....the perils and travails of the Romantic Cynic.... Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. Cheating is a definite buzz-killer. You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred. Yup. Despite what I say, and my own experiences, I still believe in marriage. And little baby ducks, old pickup trucks. and love. In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted. Or when both are committed. Err....in a relationship way -- not the institutional way....

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

Your Life Path Number is 5 What the heck is a life path number!?!?!?!

Your purpose in life is to life freely and collect experiences. Life free!??!? Perhaps they mean live free? Collect experiences!?!?!? WTF!?!?!? "Hello. I'm Jayne. Have you any experiences you'd like to give me? I'm life freely.... You love life - new adventures, new people, new ideas. Yes....I love anything new. "I wanna new drug. One that won't make sick...." You are very curious, and you crave novelty in all forms. So....totally off the subject.....but I'm curious: why do they call ice cream treats "novelties" Geez....I'd sure like a bomb-pop right now.... You tend to make friends easily, and you enjoy the company of all types of people. I have many different types of friends from the many different circles of my life. One of the interesting things I noticed is that, regardless of the circle, I am always the strange one! In my "artsy" circle, I'm the normal one. In the "normal" circle, I'm the artsy one.... In love, you are fun and even a bit intoxicating. But you won't stick around for long. Obviously the "PATH" folks and the "KEY" folks don't meld together! Key says I'm looking for commitment and devotion. Unless...unless....perhaps it really DID mean committed the other way..... You are impulsive and spontaneous - which sometimes leads you to do things you regret. I am spontaneous -- but only when I know I have the time for it...... No regrets. Oh yeah, I do occasionally wish I'd done something(s) differently....but....no regrets. Sometimes you can be overindulgent with food, sex, or drugs. what about rock and roll!?!?!? Don't they all go together? You have many talents, so many that you are often scattered and unfocused. Wrong -- I am so focused.....unless, of course, I don't have my contacts in..... hey! how 'bout that bomb-pop?

What Is Your Life Path Number?

thanks to Joy for getting me going on this one.....

Adios amigos! Yo trabajo en Mexico.

(I think that's "Goodbye friends! I work in Mexico." or close enough!)

gay blog things

Okay, before you get your panties in a twist....let me explain:
After the Horizon Awards the other evening, we were all sitting (and some were drinking) at T.S.G. (aka Lipari, aka Starline Grill) when Rupert informed me that he was 38% gay.
APj: What?
Rupert: 38% gay.
APj: Well, you passed the hetro test at the wedding last summer. But 38%!?!?!? How do you know?
Rupert: I took a survey

::APj springs to her feet::

APj: A survey!?!?!?
Lecram: (shaking his head) Oh God, don't get her started on a blogy thing...
Joy: Maybe that's why you haven't--
APj: But I like penis!
Mia: Maybe you just think you like penis...
Lecram: (consulting his glass of scotch) Please, stop, please--
APj: No....I like penis.....and things that go "hummmmmm....."

::collective laughter::

Rupert: I'll send you the link.

so....I've been tossing and turning --and not because of the "thing that goes hum" -- waiting for this incredibly important survey. I mean, perhaps I need to buy Dickies Trousers instead of dicks IN trousers...

So the

Hmmmm (ah, that was me, not the thingy)......I would have to respectively disagree with these results. I am not Anne Heche lesbian -- although it is amusing that I live in the rural area of Fresno: where she was found wandering and talking to aliens......
1. I'm pretty sure that all days I am not a lesbian -- like I said: I like penis!
2. I've never ended up in another girl's panties. Except for that one time at band camp. Oh, and that time I borrowed a pair of cute chonies from Hoover in college....
3. of course I like to shave my armpits...the alternative is just gross. I wish that men shaved THEIR armpits!
4. And, while I haven't made out with a girl when a bunch of guys asked me.....I might if they dared me.....

So.....(yes, Lecram), I had to take another quiz!!!











Whew!! Only 30% gay. And I kinda like being described as a girlie girl with a butch side.

Okay ya'll. I gotta go work in the yard, ride my tractor, move some hay, and go to the hardware store. But don't fret: I've got cute panties on, my legs and pits are shaved, and I'm looking for cute men.
::Hummin'::

Hallelujah!